*I Take Another Fall, Take A Hit, Take A Fall For You*
So to preface my return to Blogger-dom, I feel the need to express myself more. As I don't keep a journal well I'm hoping that a blog might suffice...I mean Megs still keeps hers...Not that my previous attempts have gone well but w/e...Call it a late New Years Resolution...Anyways it might have been destined for me to think of blogs on the night where I feel my past and present smashed together...Which brings me to the blog...
So hanging out with Darren...Rock on..Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares...Couch...Everything's rockin...Leah calls and wants us to go over to her party thing going down....Not so rock on...Don't get me wrong I think all the people there are on the up and up...But here's my issue...I hate when people change plans with me...Darren and I had planed to hang out and chill...If he wanted to hang out with his friends and go party then he should have done that instead of saying he'd hang out with me...Plus as much as I think everyone there is great I'm really an outcast...There are only so many things you can say to a person that you haven't seen in a year or so and may have either not talked to a lot or made out with...I felt like I was back in grade 12 but not in a good way...I don't fit in with anyone there...I'm more there because Darren fits in...I'm just the bonus that comes when your purchase a package...The free printer with computer...So Darren pulls out the "well we're hanging out all day tomorrow and tonight's really the only night I can hang out with my friends" card but he says that he won't go if I don't want to...Straight up I don't want to...So I tell him so...Then he gets upset...Well shit if I look like the bitch for being honest...No I don't want to say goodbye to Gill, Yes she's going back to London and Huzzah for her...I didn't really miss her when she was gone so I wont really miss her again now will I?...No I don't want to hang out with teenagers who are drunk out of their pants and wanting some...And no I definetly don't want to hang out with Paul and Paige and your parents thank you very much...But because I don't want to be the bitch because I'm sure that will just result in much sulking I agree to go...Worst idea ever...Get there and immediately feel quite akward...Get over it when I find Mel...Yay for Mel and her social abilities...Mirgrate around for a while as people abandon me as conversation runs out...I mean really I don't have a lot to say to many of the people there and conversation starters were not abound tonight...Spencer congratuated me on how well I'm doing though...Despite not talking with him in a very long time I still really respect him...That meant a lot to me...Anyways thats out of line with my rant...I travel downstairs and have some fairly enjoyable conversations with Mel and Glenn of all people...Then around 10:00 things started going downhill...Mel left so I lost my convo partner...Darren's had a few drinks...I now have no one to tag along with except Darren or I'm left to my unsatisfactory mingling skills...So I try a little of both...I appreciate Maarty...Sky is drunk...I'd rather avoid many people who I went to school with or know vaguely who are drunk or high...So by now it's pretty obvious I'm not enjoying myself...Darren had said if I wasnt having a good time we'd leave..fat chance...He's had a few drinks and unfathomably having an awesome time...I just don't fit in with these people so I don't think that it was feesable to expect to have a good time I just didn't think it would end up this bad...Dan plays guitar for a while which was okay enough to pass some time but then Drew arrived which brings the number of people very entwined in my relationship past and present to 5/10 people and 5/6 from my theatre days...That's too high of a ratio to soothe akwardness and as I'm now just sitting on Darren's lap trying to think of someway to make this a better situation for his sake I decide that there isn't anything and that I wish I could leave...I've made it quite clear to Darren that I am no longer enjoying myself...The deal was that if I didn't want to be there anymore we'd leave...apparently there must have been some kind of loop hole that I missed that changed I to we because Darren was having a great time he didn't want to leave..."I'm sorry I'm being such a jerk about this but I'm having a lot of fun"...well huzzah for you then...where does that leave me...so I sit trying to wish us away and back to his house like planned and then unplanned I realize something...Fuck if I have to stay here...I drove him...I can fucking leave whenever I want to...So I decide to...Does he care? Nope!...No sorry you didn't have a good time...No, Oh! I'll come with you!...No are you sure I'd really like you to stay!...Nope just a "Yeah it's getting late...I'll show you to the door...Call me tomorrow? Love you."...I was/am so fuming mad...About all of it...I feel like chopped liver...I feel like admitting he was being a jerk about it does not make it better but worse...He made me the bad guy all night long, first for not wanting to go when we had planned to hang out and he had said if I dont want to go then we wouldn't, second for not having a good time when I didn't want to go in the first place and third for wanting to leave...and I feel like he didn't care by the end of it...Fuming mad...I haven't been this mad in quite a while..Since high school...Grade 11 maybe...I mean it's resorted me to blogging...I just hope that I'm this mad tomorrow still cause god I want to tear a strip off him and let him know...After all we are spending the day together...That's why we went to the party...It was only fair...
Swatch Forever
So hanging out with Darren...Rock on..Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares...Couch...Everything's rockin...Leah calls and wants us to go over to her party thing going down....Not so rock on...Don't get me wrong I think all the people there are on the up and up...But here's my issue...I hate when people change plans with me...Darren and I had planed to hang out and chill...If he wanted to hang out with his friends and go party then he should have done that instead of saying he'd hang out with me...Plus as much as I think everyone there is great I'm really an outcast...There are only so many things you can say to a person that you haven't seen in a year or so and may have either not talked to a lot or made out with...I felt like I was back in grade 12 but not in a good way...I don't fit in with anyone there...I'm more there because Darren fits in...I'm just the bonus that comes when your purchase a package...The free printer with computer...So Darren pulls out the "well we're hanging out all day tomorrow and tonight's really the only night I can hang out with my friends" card but he says that he won't go if I don't want to...Straight up I don't want to...So I tell him so...Then he gets upset...Well shit if I look like the bitch for being honest...No I don't want to say goodbye to Gill, Yes she's going back to London and Huzzah for her...I didn't really miss her when she was gone so I wont really miss her again now will I?...No I don't want to hang out with teenagers who are drunk out of their pants and wanting some...And no I definetly don't want to hang out with Paul and Paige and your parents thank you very much...But because I don't want to be the bitch because I'm sure that will just result in much sulking I agree to go...Worst idea ever...Get there and immediately feel quite akward...Get over it when I find Mel...Yay for Mel and her social abilities...Mirgrate around for a while as people abandon me as conversation runs out...I mean really I don't have a lot to say to many of the people there and conversation starters were not abound tonight...Spencer congratuated me on how well I'm doing though...Despite not talking with him in a very long time I still really respect him...That meant a lot to me...Anyways thats out of line with my rant...I travel downstairs and have some fairly enjoyable conversations with Mel and Glenn of all people...Then around 10:00 things started going downhill...Mel left so I lost my convo partner...Darren's had a few drinks...I now have no one to tag along with except Darren or I'm left to my unsatisfactory mingling skills...So I try a little of both...I appreciate Maarty...Sky is drunk...I'd rather avoid many people who I went to school with or know vaguely who are drunk or high...So by now it's pretty obvious I'm not enjoying myself...Darren had said if I wasnt having a good time we'd leave..fat chance...He's had a few drinks and unfathomably having an awesome time...I just don't fit in with these people so I don't think that it was feesable to expect to have a good time I just didn't think it would end up this bad...Dan plays guitar for a while which was okay enough to pass some time but then Drew arrived which brings the number of people very entwined in my relationship past and present to 5/10 people and 5/6 from my theatre days...That's too high of a ratio to soothe akwardness and as I'm now just sitting on Darren's lap trying to think of someway to make this a better situation for his sake I decide that there isn't anything and that I wish I could leave...I've made it quite clear to Darren that I am no longer enjoying myself...The deal was that if I didn't want to be there anymore we'd leave...apparently there must have been some kind of loop hole that I missed that changed I to we because Darren was having a great time he didn't want to leave..."I'm sorry I'm being such a jerk about this but I'm having a lot of fun"...well huzzah for you then...where does that leave me...so I sit trying to wish us away and back to his house like planned and then unplanned I realize something...Fuck if I have to stay here...I drove him...I can fucking leave whenever I want to...So I decide to...Does he care? Nope!...No sorry you didn't have a good time...No, Oh! I'll come with you!...No are you sure I'd really like you to stay!...Nope just a "Yeah it's getting late...I'll show you to the door...Call me tomorrow? Love you."...I was/am so fuming mad...About all of it...I feel like chopped liver...I feel like admitting he was being a jerk about it does not make it better but worse...He made me the bad guy all night long, first for not wanting to go when we had planned to hang out and he had said if I dont want to go then we wouldn't, second for not having a good time when I didn't want to go in the first place and third for wanting to leave...and I feel like he didn't care by the end of it...Fuming mad...I haven't been this mad in quite a while..Since high school...Grade 11 maybe...I mean it's resorted me to blogging...I just hope that I'm this mad tomorrow still cause god I want to tear a strip off him and let him know...After all we are spending the day together...That's why we went to the party...It was only fair...
Swatch Forever
posted by Praestigiae at 1:09 a.m.
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